Episode #: 83. Principle 8, Respect Your Body.
You’re Listening to the Nourish and Nurture Podcast, Episode #83, Principle 8, Respect Your Body.
Introduction
Did you know that you don't have to spend money on a diet program or even weigh, measure and track your food unless you want to? What if you could learn to have success by learning how to change your mindset so that you can believe in yourself, which is the cornerstone to weight loss success? What if you could learn about what foods work best in your body for weight loss and why they work? Join me, Miriam Hatoum, health coach, course creator and author, as I give you actionable coaching advice that is sure to empower you so that you will finally find peace with food and learn to trust your body’s signals. You’ve got this, girl.
I am celebrating Season 4 with a brand-new party dress, Nourish and Nurture. The title has changed but not the insightful advice and tips that you enjoy and look forward to. And now, you can get all my free guides that are designed to help you in your journey, in one place, at Miriamhatoum.com/resources.
Oh, and before we start, I want to let you know that the primary purpose of this podcast is to educate and does not constitute medical advice or services. And please know that I’m keeping up with the science as fast as I can so I can share with you the latest breaking research in this area to help you achieve your dreams!
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Well happy new year everyone! I can’t believe it is 2024! So much has happened this past year, and mostly all good. My grandkids are now 6 and 9, and the little one is in first grade, taking something called Russian math, and is playing soccer and flag football. My 10-year old granddaughter is a soccer star, takes piano lessons, goes to Russian math as well, also plays flag football, oh and started cello this year. I got through another bout of Covid, very mild, thankfully. My husband, whose health is nothing short of miraculous has been healthy all year. We had a lovely Thanksgiving at my daughter’s house with 24 people. I have to say this is the first year I have felt that the celebration has been passed on to the younger generation, even though she has been doing this for over 10 years. I showed up with all the other guests and did not lift a finger at all – except to fill my plate!
And, as you can tell from the introduction, I am making yet another pivot with this podcast, which resembles how I started out, calling it the Roadmap to Diet Success, which was inclusive of all eating styles, not just Keto and Low Carb. I was going to go back to that first podcast title, but I wanted to look at a new slant on things. I don’t want us all to just become better dieters. I want us to learn how to nourish and nurture our bodies and our minds.
2024 is bringing even more exciting pivots and developments in my business. I have a brand-new website that will roll out in February with four self-paced courses. I pulled out the Keto and Low Carb information into its own course, Keto Fundamentals. I did this as part of my Nourish and Nurture journey, because not everyone is interested in, or needs to do, Keto. But the other information I offer is so essential, such as understanding and using your hunger scale, mindfulness practices, setting goals, and learning about the impact that food has on your efforts at weight loss. So now I have four courses, Navigating the Path to Success: Strategies for Long-Term Success, Mindful Eating for Optimal Well-Being, Understanding the Impact of the Food We Eat, and Keto Fundamentals.
My blogs and recipes have all been updated, and once the website launches and I get my footing, you’ll be seeing new recipes, new blogs, and I will get back to Face Book lives.
want to thank you all for being faithful listeners. I have hit almost 10,000 downloads in my first 18 months on air. If you had told me I would have reached 100 people and would have lasted more than a few months, I don’t think I would have believed it. I do have a favor to ask of you. Please leave a review wherever you listen to your podcast. It helps other people find it by bringing it up in the various directories. Also, don’t be a stranger. Like or join my Facebook page, Breaking Free From Diet Prison, and let me know if there is anything you would like to hear on the show, and let me know you are a podcast listener.
Now on to the Episode…
Last week I told you that Resch and Tribole wrote, “Accept your genetic blueprint. Just as a person with a shoe size of eight would not expect realistically squeeze into a size six, it is equally as futile (and uncomfortable) to have the same expectations with body size.” I also told you that I would tell you about the story of how I became a viola player with regard to this exact principle.
I played violin as a very young girl. When I got to about middle school and started joining orchestras, my teacher had all her violin students put out their hands. Mine was the largest and so I was picked for the viola section. I went on to play in orchestras that traveled to Israel, Switzerland, and Italy, and to many of the United States. I was on record albums, television shows, and many concert stages; I played as a guest with orchestras such as the Boston Pops. I played professionally for a short while until I settled into other things – like belly dancing and getting two master’s degrees. So why am I telling you this now?
I had no idea of the concept of my body having a blueprint. All I knew was that I was the big girl. I had the wrist that no one could close their fingers around. I had the hand that would never look or be delicate even if I weighed only 120 pounds – nor would I ever weigh 120 pounds. I wore size 10 shoes. I wore size 10 rings. I couldn’t fit sitting next to someone in a love seat. All that translated to me was that I was fat and ugly and huge. It never translated that I was picked to be a viola player for a reason. I was picked because of my body’s blueprint.
It – along with other things – set me up to be a lifelong dieter. Let me quote here from the workbook:
“Body vigilance begets body worry, which begets food worry, which fuels the cycle of dieting… It’s hard to escape the self-induced body torture game when the whole culture is playing it.”
I know there were other females in the viola section, but if I recall, it was mostly boys. The petite cute girls played the violin or the flute. It never occurred to me that I was such a successful viola player BECAUSE of my blueprint. Yes, I could have been smaller with larger hands, but I would never be petite, the way teenage girls want to be petite.
So here we are talking about body image. Science has shown that DNA programs each body’s size and shape. I talked about my sister and my mother in an earlier episode. They shared a body DNA. I did not have it. But instead of understanding that – and why would I? – I saw myself as the fat one who ate too much. And the more miserable I was, and the worse my body image, the more I ate and the fatter I did get. I could have been slimmer, but I never would have had a Miss Universe body.
It breaks my heart when dieters talk about needing to lose that last 10 pounds. WHY? Why do they need to do that? Maybe they are exactly where they need to be for their height, frame and blueprint? Maybe when I got down to 150 pounds in college I was exactly where I needed to be. I would kill for that weight now! Maybe if I understood WHY I was picked for the viola section I would have known that I was exactly where I needed to be. I mean I knew it was because I had a big hand but in my mind I had the big hand because I was fat. Enough of my crazy and sad story.
This Principle 8 is about respecting your body. It seems paradoxical to say that you must respect and love your body where it is now BUT want to change it. But here is why you have to do it.
No good can come from hate. Let me say that again, “No Good Can Come From Hate.” I know the reason you are seeking out help or have the desire to lose weight is because you want to change your body but come to it from a different angle. If you have a “I-hate-my-body” mindset you will not want to do good things for yourself. You put off treating yourself better such as getting pretty clothing that fits NOW, eating foods that you enjoy, spending money on things that will help you sleep better and move better. If you take weight loss out of the picture, and decide to do nice things for yourself, you will be respecting not only your physical health but your mental health.
You might have hated your body for so long that it feels foreign to turn the tables and treat yourself well and with love. But when you do this, and take immediate weight loss out of the picture, you will find you have patience to embrace the mindset that you need to slow down, let the food police stop their chatter, and do things like honor your hunger and feel your fullness. But don’t you see, that by doing all that – which comes for love – WILL help you do the things that will bring about weight loss?
Resch and Tribole give a list of basic premises of body respect. I can’t improve on it so I will read it here:
· My body deserves to be fed.
· My body deserves to be treated with dignity.
· My body deserves to be dressed comfortably and in a style I like.
· My body deserves to be touched affectionately, with my consent and with respect.
· My body deserves to move comfortably, to the extent it is possible.
They talk about more ways to respect your body such as getting comfortable – mostly with clothing. Apparently, the simplicity of changing the underwear you have has had a significant impact on their clients. I totally get this and I am sure you do too. After having children have you kept your maternity underwear because it was comfortable? After a weight gain have you stuck with tight, ill-fitting undies? This goes for bras too. Either end, you are left with the feeling that you are too big and you don’t deserve nice and pretty things that fit. Underwear, like anything else, can be a version of “fat clothes.”
Getting rid of body-assessment tools is also important. These assessment tools can be the scale or a pair of jeans. I am a bit torn on letting go of the scale for my own progress, though. I know my worth is not tied up in the scale, but I use it for helpful feedback. I don’t get freaked out if goes up, or careless if it goes down. I think as long as I use it as a tool and not a critic, I am okay with it.
Quit the body-check game. Oh, I can speak to this one. Have you ever gone into a room and have assessed your body compared to everyone else’s? Are you the heaviest? Are you the only one who gained weight since last Thanksgiving? Are you the one with the fat thighs when you are out in the summer? Do you even wear shorts? This body-check game can lead to even more disconnected eating as you slide down the diet slide or ride the diet rollercoaster. It makes you feel inferior about your body, while ignoring all the wonderful qualities you may have. Stop it. Just stop it.
Stop doing diet things for big events. We all know the boomerang effect of a quick and difficult weight loss that we have achieved for special events. No one loses enough weight to go down a dress size for a wedding and stays there. There will always be an event or a dress to fit into or an evening where you imagine that other people will be doing the body-check game. I have to tell you two stories here, where I can attest to this, and both have to do with not losing weight for special events.
When I need to lose weight for a special event, my boomerang happens before the event. The first event was my wedding. I made my own wedding dress so there was no way I could just buy another size or have a seamstress make adjustments as the day got closer. I gained a good 20 pounds from the day I cut the pattern to the day I wore it. It’s amazing that it fit at all. And, of course, when I look at wedding photos, all I see – instead of this gorgeous bride – is that the dress is running tight at her hips.
The second event was my daughter’s wedding. Same story. I was so worried about fitting into the dress – which fit when I bought it – that I brought an alternate dress to the wedding. We were in Italy, so this took some thought and planning. I couldn’t just run to Macy’s or pull something else out of my closet. When I put on the dress I intended to wear and it fit (well I put it on over my head instead of taking the chance it wouldn’t zip up) that I ran onto the balcony and yelled “IT FITS!!!!” Let’s just say that I am not someone who loses weight for the big event. I gain it.
Other things to do on the road to respecting your body is to stop the body bashing – you know what I’m talking about. You pass a mirror and say something negative. You bend over to put on your shoes and socks and you say something negative. You can’t fit into a size you want and you say something negative. We all do it. STOP IT!
Be realistic. Part of it is accepting that blueprint. The other part is realizing that you don’t want to subsist on half portions, air foods, and skipping meals. Those are red flags that you are trying to achieve a weight that is not part of your blueprint.
Do nice things for your body. This will show that you respect it.
And view your body as an instrument, not as an ornament. The other day I looked at myself naked after a shower and took stock. I have had two children – one of them C-section – not bikini-cut style – so there is a long scar running from my navel to parts south. I have a gall bladder scar which continue that C-section scar all the way up to my breasts. I did the hard work of raising those children, often neglecting myself. I am 71 years old and don’t have a young firm body – well I never did, but it was never like it is now. I have an appendix scare, two knee replacement scars and one from a hip replacement. I look tired. My roots are showing. My body has been a damn fine instrument.
Say goodbye to the fantasy. You might have imagined that your life would have been all rainbows and unicorns. Let me tell you, my friends, even the women who are naturally slender without working for it, don’t live lives of rainbows and unicorns.
Resch and Tribole say that you may need to mourn for the fantasy body that you’ve chased and the temporary illusion of peace that came from going down the dieting road. They go on to say that you must consider the price you have paid – energy, time, emotional investment – chasing one diet after another to seek your fantasy body. By saying farewell to the fantasy, you open the door to being at peace not only with your body, but with other facets of your life.
Next week’s episode
This episode winds up the ten principles of Intuitive Eating and I hope you have enjoyed this in depth look at it to help you decide whether it might be a direction you would like to go in. Next week, because everyone is always looking for healthy resets for the new year, I will go back and explore Whole 30 a little more deeply than what I presented back in Episode 13. As with Intuitive Eating, I hope to give you a more in depth look than you would find just cruising the internet. I will even share a few of my favorite Whole 30 recipes to get you started, if you find you are interested in this 30-day reset for the new year.
Please share the new Nourish and Nurture Podcast with your friends, and invite them to tune in with you and learn how to become free from diet prison. And remember, if you are already subscribed to this podcast you don’t have to do anything on your end. It will automatically change the name behind the scenes without you having do a thing!
Until then, go live free from diet worry — I’ll see you back here next time. I wish you, your friends, and family, a happy and healthy new year.
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